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| This past term I have been taking a seminar called: Woman's faith and development, and it's being taught by a remarkable female prof and former pastor. I'm now trying to write my final paper on what it means to be a woman (for me). And having taking a cursory look at many, many issues that women face in the past and present, here and around the world, I realize that being a woman is a complex matter. Our generation (and those following) who have grown up in western societies have little idea of battles that women have fought, or of the battles still being fought on the bodies of women around the world.
I've been fortunate indeed, to have never considered it a serious disadvantage or burden to being a woman... except perhaps at a certain time of the month. I have never felt shame in being a woman, nor felt that I had to prove my worth as a woman. Yet I cannot divorce my gender from my identity; how I relate to others and to God is deeply informed by my gender. And now that I'm in pastoral ministry, the "woman issue" is shoved in my face. I have become part of cause, whether I wish to or not, simply by being who I am.
What does it mean to be a woman? I'm trying to figure that out.. but at least I'm at a place where I can make that decision for myself.
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| It's a wonderment, that on a chilly, rainy, late November day, the birds are singing and dancing in the wind just behind the window pane I'm staring through.
I've rearranged the furniture in my room, added another lamp from the attic, and now I can tap away on my computer while looking out at the mountains and harbor. Vancouver hasn't been sunny or warm for several weeks now, the rain keeps falling and falling. I remember to take my vitamin D this morning. And perhaps with the extra light in my room I can feel cozy and energized. Still, I miss the kiss of the sun on my face. I miss other types of kisses as well.
A flock of tiny birds just flew by my window. It's quieter now. But I still hear the sound of birdsong... and a couple of plump robins bounce through the top of the naked tree directly in front of me. A few stubborn yellow leaves cling on the trees, and shake in the breeze as a reminder of the season that we're in.
A woodpecker just grabbed onto the top of my bedroom window. I bend my neck to the side to look at her, she peers back at me. Embarrassed, she takes off to find another wooden structure to feast on. Her red feathered head matched the rose that sits on my window sill, given by my landlady.
The birds keep singing. Their cheer pierces through the gloom, like red petals against an autumn gray sky, like a voice calling out to lone fishermen on a placid lake. Beyond the clouds I know the sun still shines otherwise I wouldn't be able to see anything out my window. The birds know this, they live in the rain and darken woods, but still they sing. Oh that my heart would sing as they do. With spring and sounding glory, and the tenacity of hope resisting.
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| Wow, I haven't written here for while. I realize that I've been very utilitarian lately; my decisions are energy-based. That is, what will give me energy and what will take energy from me? Because school is taking an enormous amount of energy from me, my free time is spent on what gives me energy.
Writing takes energy. Hence, no blogging.
Sigh. I tell myself that it would be nice to have someone to take care of me for once. But, I don't even know what that looks like anymore. It's a good thing that I live in community, with a house full of fabulous women.
Ok, back to work.
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| Last night I was at a newly-renovated house where I'm sure that the cost of one of the bathrooms could easily finance my Regent education. Italian tiles, gorgeous white sinks with elegant faucets, and spotless glass shower doors.
Today I found out that my mother put some money in my bank account. Actually it was a lot of money (for us)... and she works in a grocery store. She did it behind my father's back, otherwise he would be angry knowing that she's giving money away - even though it's not his. I'm crying because this act of grace is overwhelming me. And the amount, perhaps, is the cost of one of the light fixtures in yesterday's house.
We watched a youtube video on miraculous jewels appearing in a church in Puerto Rico. Signs and wonders, they say, of God's power. All they do is pray and sing, and these perfectly cut jewels began appearing. Not to mention miraculous oil driping from the walls.
Then we heard a story of a man who created a new education model for inner city kids in the states. He's been able to achieve his aim of 100% college attendance rate, by keeping the teens in school all day and only returning them to their homes to sleep. They operate on volunteers and little funding... and the kids will have something to look forward to other than drugs and pregnancy.
Tell me, what is of God?
He has showed you, O man, what is good.
And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
and to walk humbly with your God.
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| 1) Creepy older men
2) Desperate mothers
....to be continued.
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